Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Vanity?

(mud mask!)

I recently read this article and loved it.  I would mostly consider myself a low maintenance Mom.  I do get pedicures every once in a while and I have my hair highlighted a couple of times a year, but in general I would say I'm low maintenance.  However, I've recently learned that I'm more vain than I would have thought of myself.  I have dealt with psoriasis, on a rather mild level, for years but recently have had  flare ups on my face.  I've always been lucky that it comes and goes and is usually not all that obvious.  But I tell ya, having it on my face threw me for a loop!  Because of the nature of psoriasis (flaky) you can't really cover it up with makeup because it actually makes it look worse.  Anyway, I was surprised at how very self conscious it made me.  I'm not sure why I was so bothered by it, but if I'm honest I'm also a bit bothered by the sunspots and the wrinkles that are showing up all over the place.  (In fact, I'm not usually one to go out without makeup.  I like a good solid foundation to smooth and even things out!)  However, I've been very, very careful since we had children to not speak negatively about myself.  I don't talk about how I need or want to lose weight.  Or how I wish I was taller.  Or how great it would be to have more defined eyebrows!  And for the most part I don't focus on any of that anyway because I'm pretty happy with who I am.

So I've been disappointed that lately there has been some talk from Grace about how she wishes her hair wasn't so "pouffy" or that her own eyebrows were "better."  Of course, I want to, and do, tell her how beautiful I think she is, that she doesn't need a stitch of makeup to enhance her features.  Perhaps that is hypocritical since she clearly sees me apply makeup all the time (for the record, she hasn't asked to wear it), or get my hair highlighted but I'm adult and she is not.  What is it about us humans that love to compare ourselves to others and so often feel that we come up short?  And while I feel that there isn't anything wrong with enhancing what we've got through makeup, tweezers, etc., what is the right age to start?

I've started talking to friends here and there and I've learned that they are taking matters into their own hands with their girls.  Eyebrows are plucked/waxed, hair is straightened and facials are being done.  I hadn't even considered doing any of this for Grace since she is just 13 but now I'm wondering if I'm wrong.  I've always thought I didn't want to send the message that she needed improvement but perhaps I'm looking at it the wrong way.  Perhaps it's just helping them along on an already difficult, awkward and sometimes lonely path?  I don't know and clearly we all have to do what fits our family style but....

I'm curious what your thoughts are and how you've helped your children be confident but not caught up in how they look?



1 comment:

  1. I am not an expert on this topic and have yet to encounter this in my parenting, but I believe the best thing you can do is just have open lines of communication with Grace. I, like you, believe it is important to send the message that one is beautiful just the way you are. However, being a teenage girl is hard - especially in today's society! I think sharing beauty tips with your daughter (at your own speed) is a great way to bond. Who better to learn from than you?

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