Monday, February 3, 2014
I know that this is incredibly cliche, but I've been thinking a lot about how time is flying by with the children at an ever faster and faster pace. I look forward to what's on the horizon but I'm having a hard time letting the past go. I remember the hours, days, months that we spent on the floor at friends homes, on the floor in our attic, at the parks swinging/running/sliding, crafting and in general just following what the day unfolded for us. And those times are definitely in the past. When Bryce and I made our Empty Nest list for the children it felt as if we had all the time in the world to do those things and now when I calculate that we actually only have Grace at home for 6 more years it makes my stomach swoop. That's less than half what we've had or for and that's flown by! I don't want to live in the past and am sure that every day we are creating more treasured moments but still could someone please slow time down? Please?
Grace and Harris are growing in so many ways, physically and emotionally, and I don't feel ready for it. Once again, I feel totally unprepared and acutely aware that I have no idea what I'm doing most of the time. Knowing when to step in or step out, fight a battle or let it go, stretch those wings or reel them in can be such a gray area sometimes!
Also, I find myself at a place where I'm ready to do something more creative now that the children are in school for much of the day (that creative outlet was filled while the children were at home doing all the things mentioned above) and that perhaps it's time for me to grow a little as well but I'm not sure what that looks like either. I have the complete luxury of being able to follow my "dream*" if only I knew what that was. My first priority, obviously, is my family and for us that looks very much like it's looked for the past 11 years but I feel that I could fit in a little something extra.
*Truth be told? I have a lot of dreams- I dream of making a magazine about the middle years with children, learning to garden for real, having chickens, traveling across the country, designing a clothes line of "adventure clothes" for children (I in no way know how to design clothes or sew!), working in a library..... the list goes on..... and on...