Monday, February 3, 2014

Growing


I know that this is incredibly cliche, but I've been thinking a lot about how time is flying by with the children at an ever faster and faster pace.  I look forward to what's on the horizon but I'm having a hard time letting the past go.  I remember the hours, days, months that we spent on the floor at friends homes, on the floor in our attic, at the parks swinging/running/sliding, crafting and in general just following what the day unfolded for us.  And those times are definitely in the past.  When Bryce and I made our Empty Nest list for the children it felt as if we had all the time in the world to do those things and now when I calculate that we actually only have Grace at home for 6 more years it makes my stomach swoop.  That's less than half what we've had or for and that's flown by!  I don't want to live in the past and am sure that every day we are creating more treasured moments but still could someone please slow time down?  Please?

Grace and Harris are growing in so many ways, physically and emotionally, and I don't feel ready for it.  Once again, I feel totally unprepared and acutely aware that I have no idea what I'm doing most of the time.  Knowing when to step in or step out, fight a battle or let it go, stretch those wings or reel them in can be such a  gray area sometimes!

Also, I find myself at a place where I'm ready to do something more creative now that the children are in school for much of the day (that creative outlet was filled while the children were at home doing all the things mentioned above) and that perhaps it's time for me to grow a little as well but I'm not sure what that looks like either. I have the complete luxury of being able to follow my "dream*" if only I knew what that was.  My first priority, obviously, is my family and for us that looks very much like it's looked for the past 11 years but I feel that I could fit in a little something extra.  

*Truth be told?  I have a lot of dreams- I dream of making a magazine about the middle years with children, learning to garden for real, having chickens, traveling across the country, designing a clothes line of "adventure clothes" for children (I in no way know how to design clothes or sew!), working in a library..... the list goes on..... and on...

7 comments:

  1. When you figure it out, let me know! I don't know what I want to be when I grow up either...... But, boy do I have lots of dreams for possibilities!

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  2. This feeling must be normal. Even though I find my days completely full these days with homeschool, I find myself wondering about what will be after. I am very aware that they are growing up and I wonder what is going to be left when they don't need me as much. What will I do with my time? I love that we have chickens, and gardens, (and are considering goats), but the creative outlet isn't always fulfilled. I dream of opening a lovely boutique, or a waldorf school, or creating children's toys, or an amazing toy store!!! Can't wait to see what you get yourself into. Whatever it is, I am sure it will be fabulous! Anything you designed or created would have to be amazing!

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  3. I am encouraged by your thoughts. I have followed your blog for many years and am in the same stage as you are, however, I am feeling busier now than ever and missing my creative side big time. I guess I have said yes to too many other things thinking that I now have all the time in the world. I haven't found any encouraging blogs by moms in those middle years. I keep imagining all those moms are in the same boat as I am, driving taxi like crazy and dealing with too much drama. Oh wow, I never knew the middle years would ever be this hard. Preteen girlfriend relationships, many girls growing up too fast, and the emotional drama can do a mom in. Also, I have noticed my girls don't ever show any interest in my "fun" activities, and I struggle with what is "fun" for the middle age kids. I think anything insight you can share with moms with kids in the middle years would be fantastic! I always thought these years would be great, but I am a bit bummed by how much more difficult they are than I imagined. I would love to find ways to enjoy them like I enjoyed the early years.

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  4. Thank you all for your thoughts! Leah- A toy store and/or a boutique has always been on my list too. And thanks for your encouragement, it's always appreciated.

    Queen of Good Intentions- I love your quote, "preteen girlfriend relationships, many girls growing up too fast, and the emotional drama can do a mom in". You are pretty much dead on and I agree that it can be so hard! A friend of mine and I were talking one day and we realized that there is not enough information out there for families in those "middle years". Even many of the popular blogs start phasing out after those first 6 years or so. I think it is because we can't "shape" and "create" their experiences as much as we could and, I'm just being honest, everything isn't as cute as it was in the first 5 or so years! It's more about the hard business of making sure you're raising a moral, happy, healthy and productive kid! (I was going to email you directly but your email isn't attached to your comment) Anyway, thanks for your comment!

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  5. Oh, and Nina I'll be sure to share any revelations I might happen to gain!

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  6. You caught me on the right day with post! A magazine about the middle years would be AMAZING. I love all the other ideas too, but my daughter is 9 going on 13 (and I dread 13). We have daily struggles that I never expected, nor do I know how to handle. She is a little girl in a grown up world. We've experienced pressure in sports and maybe put some on her unknowingly. She is a very talented soccer player, and the league is already competitive in my town (AT NINE YEARS OLD). I am trying to back up in that area and make sure she is only doing it because its FUN! She is also having body images issues and starting to "diet"! Not something we encouraged in our home at all. Her school has started a new nutrition program (it's probably great), and she is taking it very seriously, we've had to talked to a nutritionist etc. I feel like I have been hit with a truck with all this stuff in her life this year and I am already overwhelmed about what lies ahead. A place to look for advice, commiserate and find resources would be wonderful! I am sure there is a great deal of FUN stuff that can be shared as well! Thanks for listening to me rant. I am sure whatever you decide to pursue will be amazing!

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  7. so glad I just looked back at these comments. Anna, you worded that perfectly! I have to say for the first two months after my oldest started middle school I cried daily over the realization that I no longer can shape or create their experiences and she no longer cared about cute. I finally felt the Lord speak to me one day as I was out walking with my tears and found part of an empty bottle that had just been unearthed by some recent rain. I realized that it was time to let her come out on her own that it was time at last. That probably doesn't make too much sense, but it is like you said it was time to know that I have and am giving my all to raising "moral, happy, healthy and productive" kids. I have always wanted to have an open door to all friends anytime. However, my comfort area is the preschool years, and I am trying to figure out how to "entertain" or encourage kids to come over so that I can provide a "safe" place- however as your post says today. Technology is a hindrance. We don't have a great video game room so we don't have a great attraction. Just letting our girl be who she is and not continuing to provide everything is an adjustment. Thanks for the encouragement!! mom2ashlyn@netzero.com

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