Friday, August 9, 2013
Ramblings and Musings...
Do you ever feel that you are on the cusp of something but you aren't really sure what? I've been feeling like that for a while and am trying to patiently wait to see where it leads me, but it seems just out of reach. I've been feeling the itch to do something creative for a while now but not sure what that would be. I've known for a long time that I'm fortunate to be surrounded by people that make my crazy ideas come to fruition. A playhouse? Al and Bryce built it. A memory quilt? Marilyn made it. Beautiful Halloween costumes? My Mom sews them. I'm uncomfortably aware that I'm the idea person and not at all sure how to turn that into a creative business/outlet!
Also? I've been wildly vacillating about the direction we want to go from here. As the children get older, I suppose Grace is officially a tween, I'm feeling a small sense of panic about all the things I want to do with them. We've always thought the children, and Bryce too, would love to live on more land and I have daydreams about gardening and raising children and chickens, but am I just being romantic and idealistic? I have a very real fear that I would discover that I"m lazy and overwhelmed by the big picture of owning land and all that it entails. Conflicting with the farm dream is my serious case of Wanderlust (I blame the Airstream). I am feeling hemmed in by two different school schedules and distance (the West is calling my name. And England. And France too!). I don't know how to have chickens and travel too! Silly, I know, but these are the things that I'm wrestling with. And of course there's that little thing called a job that will soon get back to a normal pace for Bryce (we've loved having him home!).
On top of these musings, I feel some guilt for looking toward the next thing. I adore my life, my family and my home and I never want to be dissatisfied or ungrateful for the many blessings that we have.
Could this be my version of a midlife crises?
P.S. These pictures have absolutely nothing to do with this post but I like them so I though I would share.